Reconciling Myself

I often feel at war within myself. No, it's not some spiritual awareness problem. It's more like feeling like there are two parts of me. Two parts that it's hard to reconcile. I was thinking about it the whole time I was picking up the kid's toys last night. There is the ultra organized part of me that has all the toys in separate bins according to what type (i.e. wooden trains in one bin, cars in another, take-a-long Thomas in another, Wooden blocks, foam blocks, you get the point) and there is the super lazy part of me that has every surface above Lily's reach stacked at least 3 inches thick with stuff and the dishes overflowing from the sink. There is the [slightly] germaphobic side of me (stop laughing Jay, I'm not that bad) and the side of me that doesn't get around to wiping the table down for days (maybe even weeks) at a time. There is a part of me that has wants a place for everything and everything in it's place and yet dusting, not so much and making the bed? Why, I'm just going to get in it again and mess it up. I know some of you are jumping out of your skin right now, sorry. It's not just cleaning either. There is the part of me that wants to raise grateful, well balanced children and the part of me that wants to buy them everything and make them happy all the time. There is a huge part of me that HATES to look or sound stupid and yet I still write as I think, no drafts, no trying to organize my paragraphs the way they tried to teach me in English class and the closest I get to proofreading is spell check. Part of me thinks with two kids under 3 there is not enough time in the day to do all I want to do and the other part wonders why I am blogging instead of cleaning the bathroom. So how do I reconcile the lazy and the wanna be clean, healthy, do-the-right-thing side of me? I don't know, but for starters maybe I should go change the stinky diaper I smell. ::sigh::