I feel like something should be inherently different about this day. Like there should be some big parade and the world should stop for just one minute to admire this perfect little being that we created. And yet, today seems like any other day. Ryan is not even excited that it's his birthday. The world doesn't seem to notice, it continues as normal. A few cards came in the mail for Ryan. This is special, don't get me wrong, but inside I feel like jumping up and down. It's funny how special this day feels to me, but how it seems like any other ordinary day at the same time. In some ways I can't believe Ryan is one. Has it been a whole year already?! Yet I feel like he has been part of my life forever. It's similar to how I felt when I got married. He's such an important part of my life now I can't imagine life without my little monkey or his daddy. The connection is so deep it's like they are both part of me. The fabric of my being is so intertwined with their's that it's hard to know what I would be without them. I hope and pray I never have to find out. There is something special about the bond of a mother and child that can't be explained in words-I rejoice at his little victories and accomplishments and agonize over decisions that might affect him;I want to pick him up and hold him so close all the time and I just melt when he lays his head on my shoulder; I want to weep for joy just thinking about him sometimes; an unconscious smile lights up my face when I think about that little grin or his adorable little laugh; His smile can make me happy even at 5am(thank God this doesn't happen too much any more!);I can easily spend an hour just watching him play and explore; hide and seek is my new favorite game because I love the way his face lights up when he finds me. Love is a funny thing, indescribable and yet unmistakable.
Me and Jay a year ago yesterday
Ryan, Jay and me a year ago today!
